What is love?

Love. Let me tell you what love is. But first, let me tell you what it isn't.

It is not the depictions you see on social media. It is not #relationshipgoals. It is not extravagant gifts of oversized teddy bears or chocolates. It is not found inside expensive bags from high end stores. Nor is it written in the tip line of fancy restaurant dates. Yes, these can be expressions of love, but in itself, love is not encompassed in these things.

Love, is when you are there at your worst. Not in the "sweatpants and no makeup days." It is more than that. It is when you are overcome with the grief of this world and you are at a point of such exhaustion that even waking up in the morning is a task you can no longer seem to do alone, and he is there. When you are offering up nothing, and yet he is there to pick up the pieces and hold you when hope seems lost. When you are so frustrated for lack of control over situations beyond your reach, that your words are harsh and unkind and yet he is there, because your pain is his to bear because he chooses to make it his. If you want to know if someone truly loves you, let him see you when you are distraught and see how he reacts. When someone loves you, they will not be able to leave you alone in your darkest places. His love covers your harshness. It moves him to forgive your irrational outbursts. His love becomes a salve to your bleeding heart.

I am sorry to say that it took the nosedive decline of my father's health and my overwhelming sense of impunity over the circumstances surrounding it for me to see this. For me to realize that love, while it makes us feel elated and euphoric, is not simply that 'lovey-dovey' infatuation that so many demand and when its gone grow tiresome and move on to the next. Love is seeing the person who holds your heart, stricken with grief to the point that their light dims to nothing more than a flicker, darkening the face that you once regarded with such beauty and still being moved to pull them in to your arms. Love goes beyond the physical, beyond the advantages a person has to offer another, and inspires you to rise up and be the rock and sanctuary that your sweetheart may desperately need, but may not be able to express or are too consumed to even realize ask for.

In the past few weeks, I have learned this lesson in a most personal way. I have gotten to the point where I wake up and don't even recognize the person in the mirror for the stress I am trying to cope with. If it weren't for him, I can honestly say I doubt I'd have been able to pull myself back together. That sacrificial love offering from him being there each day, good or bad, that is what turns young love into the couple that is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and still looks at each other the way a man does on his first date with the girl of his dreams.

Love is built on hardships and if it is real love, it withstands the heat of the fire, coming out stronger than before.

Pentagrams & Rituals

So this week Eric & I encountered a new bump in the road..or so to speak. We knew going into this relationship that our religious backgrounds, (him being raised in a strict Catholic home, as I mentioned, & me having been raised by Christian pastors) are no longer the paths or belief systems we believed in. And while I am still up in the air on my beliefs, he, however, is a practicing Pagan. We knew this from the beginning, so that's no surprise and not a problem for either of us, unlike in some relationships when it comes to religious beliefs.

Now before anyone starts filling their head with scenes from various halloween movies of demons and witches and bloody sacrifices, understand that is NOT what Paganism is. Unfortuneatly I am not familiar enough with it to expand (yet), but that does lead me to the point of today's topic. And that, my friends is learning, not only to tolerate and respect your partners religious beliefs, but also to make an effort to understand it for yourself. Or at least that is what I am going to do.

So, I took a little trip to New Moon (this new age store here in kalamazoo, that we both love) and picked up a book entitled "Paganism: An Introduction to Earth-Centered Religions."

I'll let you know how it goes and my thoughts on the tradition (as it is called by those who follow these sets of beliefs) but for now, as part of my "What is Love?" blog, my personal lesson is that of acceptance, tolerance, understanding, and respect for the man I love & what he believes. I feel that this will not only be beneficial for our relationship, but also for my to help me gain the knowledge I need to decide what it is that I believe in as well.

**This post is by no means encouraging you to convert religions for another person. Stick to what you believe and know why you believe what you believe. But understanding and being able to discuss what you believe with another person is a layer of intimacy a lot of couples (at least those my age & that I know) completely omit those types of conversations & it effects the breadth of intimacy that their relationship has.